Focus on What You Want Rather Than Your Fear

"I have a new boss. With recent layoffs and downsizing, my boss gave up my
area to a new director. My head is swimming with thoughts about how she will
treat me, what she will expect. I'm nervous that she will find a way to get
rid of me. I'm just so scared of what might happen with this new change."

All of us can relate to feelings of fear especially when they are born from
thoughts about change that is out of our control.

This fear is created in your mind from thoughts that craft the worst case
scenarios. Your imaginary center goes wild constructing dramatic stories
about a potential - and often negative - outcome. There is no fact to the
story; it's a fantasy. In choosing to give this thought process your
attention, fear erupts within you as you anticipate this outcome becoming
your future reality. Then you experience the "fight or flight" phenomenon
and this physiological reaction makes it feel so real.

But it's not real. It's a story concocted in your mind. Your mind is playing
tricks on you.

Stop. Step back from your thoughts and look at the facts. What do you know
and what is unknown? You can succumb to the fantasy created by your untamed
mind OR you can decide to embrace reality and take control by making good
choices about what you would like to see happen and who you'd like to become
in the process.

In the case with my client above, he has no idea what this new boss wants or
how she feels about being shuffled into this new position. His first step is
to be curious about the new boss and to learn what she needs from the
manager in order to be successful in her new post. Yes, your job is to help
your boss be successful.

Then he can ask for what he wants and needs from his new boss.

By being proactive, my client can set expectations for his new boss as he
describes the department and how things work.

Awareness of the emotional reaction and the thoughts causing it is crucial
for gaining control. Once you are aware, then you can take a step back and
ask how you'd like things to be moving forward. You can craft a new story
that focuses on success and identify the role or part you will play in
making it reality.

You can expect success and take actions to create that success or you can
allow your fear to take over forcing you to shrink, stress out and feel
powerless.

Fear does not bring out your best qualities. It takes away your courage,
forcing you to shrink, be less effective and less productive as you waste
time in worry-land.

Chances are the new director has her own fears and concerns about how she
will handle the new area and how people will receive or accept her in this
new role. The manager can be confident and make it easy for the two of them
to come together in partnership to create a good working relationship or he
can allow his worries to take charge and make the relationship rocky, at
least to start.

Your power is in your ability to manage your fear and to take action to
create a better future.

1. Envision what you want - for the relationship and for the
operations of the department.

2. Find out what the other person's goals are. What do they envision?
What do they need and want?

3. Make direct requests for what you need and share your desires and
ideas.

4. Together, come up with a clear vision or direction for your
department and your relationship.

As you begin working together, you can make adjustments and corrections and
keep the lines of communication open. By addressing things directly and
talking about what is on your mind, you demonstrate leadership and create
not only a good working relationship but help to lessen the fear you each
have.

We create our own realities by how we think and the stories we tell
ourselves. Take heed when fear has you create negative fantasies and
instead, stop and take charge by refocusing on how you want things to be.
You are much bigger than your fear! Ground yourself in reality and focus on
what you want to create rather than what you fear.