8 Tips on Arguing With Your Teen Son Without Shaming Him

There are times when you will get into a fight with your teenage son, but you can keep things balanced, by not hitting below the belt with shaming words. If you humiliate him by going for his weak spots, he will resist you and come out swinging or he'll shut down. Shutting down includes the silent treatment or the "whatever" attitude. You can keep the argument in check, by realizing that you're the parent with maturity and experience. Resist the temptation to  accuse, blame, and/or shout him down. You are his role model and support system. Unfortunately, you also have the unpleasant task of correcting his misdeeds and that can be unpleasant, but if do it right, you won't shame him. Following are suggestions on having a win-win disagreement with your teen son:
You must first give him a chance. So take off  the boxing gloves. Even though you're having a dispute, don't fight with your son as if you  plan to vanquish him. Stay out of his head to avoid crossing his boundary line, which can cause confusion, anger and shame.
Ads by Google

Next, you mustn't cut him off when he's telling you his side of the story.  Instead, listen with a an open your heart. Remember that teens often rebel when they're on the brink of adulthood.

 You may not believe it, but he wants to talk you.  It's up to you to hear what he's saying and allow him to tell you why he behaved a certain way. Despite news to the contrary, teens do have a reason for their actions. Avoid telling him who he is, what he thinks or why he acts a certain way.  Let him tell you.

Let him know that talking to you is safe and he'll trust you. Ask him questions when you don't understand and wait for his answer. Respect your son's feelings and intellect.

Once his tells you what's on his mind, don't contradict him. Interject your opinion(s) after you understand his point-of-view. This helps to avoid stereotyping him or putting him down, but don't call him a liar or make him that you and he are enemies. Keep the lines of communication open.

As a parent, you don't need to apologize for questioning or demanding answers from your son, so don't hesitate to approach him, or invoke his anger; be compassion parent, rather than a shaming one.