CONNECTED FOR LIFE

Do you find yourself pulling away from others, especially if you’ve
experienced a crisis or deep disappointment? Maybe the most difficult thing
we can do is to be with people when we don’t feel like being around
anybody. We need other people and we’ll never thrive as human beings in
isolation.

One woman likes to say, “Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you
cry with your girlfriends.” The presumption is that men are not empathetic,
and there is probably some truth there.

But I meet with a small group of men that challenge that assertion. We meet
for one reason only – to support each other in our life journeys. We ask
embarrassing questions like, “How is it with your soul?” And, “How are you
REALLY doing?” We try to answer honestly and to share what is good in our
lives, but also relate what is not going well. Where possible, we try to
admit our failings in a situation as well as what we think we may be doing
right. We use each other for a reality check, for support and, of course,
for friendship.

It’s the only group in my life where I can be totally honest and know that
they will accept me anyway. We meet only to listen to each other, support
one another and, if need be, to occasionally challenge one another. The
point is – we need each other.

A man who lost his wife to cancer found himself wanting to be alone. In
time he dropped out of his worshipping community and curtailed all of the
activities he and his wife had shared for so many years. He increasingly
kept to himself. He quit socializing at work and returned straight home to
an empty house. He turned down invitations from friends and co-workers. His
leisure time was now spent watching television or working in his shop in
the basement.

His contact with people dwindled until friends became alarmed that he might
live out his life as a recluse. One came by to visit and to invite him over
for supper the next evening. The two old friends sat in comfortable chairs
by a warm fireplace. The visitor extended the dinner invitation and
encouraged him to come. “You may need to allow others to share your pain.”

The man responded that he figured he was better off without being around
other people. After all, others only seemed to remind him of all he had
lost. “And besides,” he said, “it’s just too difficult to get out anymore.”

They sat in silence for a while, watching the wood burn in the fireplace.
Then the visitor did an unusual thing. He took tongs from a rack by the
fireplace, reached into the fire, pulled out a flaming ember and laid it
down by itself on the hearth. “That’s you,” he said.

The men sat in silence watching the red-hot ember. It slowly lost its glow.
Neither man looked away as the once-hot coal gradually transformed into a
crusty, black lump. After some moments, the widower turned to his companion
and said, “I get the message, my friend. I’ll be over tomorrow evening.”

We cannot survive in any healthy way by ourselves. The leaf needs the
branch. The branch needs the trunk. The trunk needs the roots. And the
roots need the rest of the tree. We are connected. And in that connection
we find life and vitality.